Dear Reader,
I've started this site as a source of inspiration, a place to share my observations and lessons. It has taken a very long time to get to this point as, believe it or not, I have been very unsure of just what to call it.
Of the many, many titles I considered were:
- Love after 40
- Your 40s in Overdrive
- The Tucker Times
- Us All Together
- And my favorite - This Might Help
Some I didn't use because they were already taken. Others were too long or just didn't feel right.
I ultimately chose this title because it encompasses all of what I'm passionate about sharing and discussing. I'm 42 and have learned so much. I look at others my age, where they are personally and professionally, and fuss at myself for not being farther along in my wisdom and accomplishments. However, considering where I've come from, I’m not too shabby.
I've lived though many unusual things, good and bad. After it all, I've come out more understanding and compassionate, and with a great desire to share what I've learned so that others, women and men, do not have to make the same mistakes I've made in order to reap the benefits of good decision making.
I want this to be a place where we all can congregate and share any information that we think might be helpful or insightful. This is consecrated digital ground; a place of understanding, healing, helping, and joy.
I was raised in contradiction. I was the only child of two people married not to each other. I was doted upon and cherished. We had lots of money and time and life was dreamy. We lived in New York and all of my father's family and my mother's favorite sister were in that great city with us. Life was wonderful. Every winter there were blankets of snow to play in in Pelham Park and the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Special to look forward to.
Every summer, our street was blocked off from all vehicles and the fire department would open the hydrants for us kids to play in. This activity was city sanctioned and called a play street; a little respite for the city kids. It would last about 4 weeks during the hottest part of the summer.
My mother was a happy house wife. Our 1880s apartment was huge, over 14 rooms with dark, twisting corridors, a formal entrance, and a back door leading to a back staircase 6 stories high lit by a single, swinging bulb. It was very nicely furnished and she kept the house spotless. Every day she cooked amazing meals.
My father worked hard for ConEd (Consolidated Edison) in New York and brought home the bacon. They were shacking up, playing house. There were deeply in love and kept this up for 12 years. I came along in the 6th year of their union. Until age 18, I had thought they were married. We adults are so good at keeping secrets.
My parents split up when I was 5 1/2. That was a horrid line of demarcation that separated my good life from the season of hell that would follow. My mother and I moved to Baton Rouge, Louisiana and moved in with her family. They did not like or accept me very much with my New York accent and northern ways. My mother, who had once adored me, grew cold and uninterested over time. Soon, I was an alone kid in stasis, waiting to become 18 so I could go back to New York and to my father.
Many things happened. Many did not. I endured and did move back to New York at 19. I was home. I was happy, grown-up, and free. I enrolled myself in college, Long Island University in Brooklyn on Flatbush Avenue and studied music. It was a great school and though I made excellent grades, I wasn't interested in my studies. I just wanted to be a home maker, safe and stable. I met a wonderful man in college and declining his offer of marriage, shacked up with him for 12 years.
We can often repeat the circumstances of our origins if we do not stay vigilant. There can be a strong, weird impetus within us to complete what mom and dad began.
I've learned so many things. Mostly I've learned how to love, what it is exactly and the importance of it. The examples of love I had as a child were contradictory and even pain-filled. I've worked with people way smarter than myself over the years to grow past the flawed teachings and examples of my upbringing and have come out with wisdom and bravery that impresses even me.
Please bear with me as I work to better format this site. Right now I'm passionate about, and eager to share stories and advice and inspiration on SO many things. I envision a robust site crammed with juicy, and useful tidbits on a great many topics.
I hope this first entry has been of use to you. Please know that whatever you are lacking you have the capacity to bring it about in your own life. And, if life is just swell, it can stay that way. Not everyone is called upon to pay dues.
The meaning of life is to love and to be loved, to enjoy and to give joy, to learn and to teach.
Thank you and be encouraged always.
Jen
